Hagu: You
Hu sentungo' i guinaiya gi halom-hu: I feel the love inside me. Growing up in a culture where we place others before ourselves means Chamoru’s live for the family and the community and, in that case, choose their own well-being over their own. Guam is rich with pride and cultural acknowledgement, and it aims to have that respect reciprocated, which means so much of what you want to do for yourself is set aside for a later time or not. Would agree that although we honor, respect, seek recognition, and give others first before ourselves, that you are truly forgetting the true essence of who you are? Would you be able to shine and make your star shine within yourself, respecting, loving, honoring, and having faith in yourself? Sharon Jones, the author of Burn After Writing, writes, “You can’t hide from the truth, but it sure as hell can hide from you, you can’t look at something without changing; you can’t look at yourself without changing.” The purity of what the author expresses is our heritage and the cultural challenges lodged within us, which means, as a Chamoru, our ancestral cultures can still be deeply embedded within us, but they can also be limited. Correct me if I am wrong, but truly either way or not, we truly try so hard to impress, to keep giving, and keep providing, but is it truly enough? No, it is never enough. It was never enough because the expectations are never truly enough. So, when is it truly enough? It is honestly enough when you start taking care of…YOU (Hagu). You are enough, far more than enough; it is enough to say that you are worth more than you know, you are prettier than you know, you are better than you know, and you are stronger than you know. There is no need for others’ approval, or hold your breath waiting for the compliment from Auntie Tita and Uncle Joe, because you spend hours baking their favorite cake, but they never budged a positive review. And your world is shattered because you feel it wasn’t…enough.But you know what… this is your spotlight, your once-in-a-lifetime golden ticket from God, granting you to make your own life worth living. You are far more than enough. Why would your world be shattered when God created it for…Hagu (You)!Although I was offered financial support from my adopted parents. Deep in the core of the bottom pit of my life, I had to let them go. So because of that choice, I left the island, and I was truly homeless on the mainland before college. I had just clothes in a luggage, twenty dollars in my little torn-up wallet. I had nothing! No home! No car! And no life! I was at the breaking point of nothing. I left Guam to set off a dream, and left everything, to gain everything. All the shine, wine, and tons of glory I could gain on Guam, but I left behind, as God had other plans for me. And I took that plan and transformed it. It was the most difficult life I've ever lived, but I'd turn back time and do it all over again. Why? Because I knew then, with all the sacrifices, all the pain of not eating for days, all the walking on the streets, and all the many days in the public library just waiting, researching, studying… I knew then and now… I am far more than just enough for me. Allow me to share this moment with you… I may not know the journey you have gone through, but deep in the very core of God’s blessings to you, the power of his grace is intended for you to live, love, and have faith not only with your loved ones, not only with God, but… with Hagu (you).Letting go of the obligations to uphold a certain degree of approval from Auntie Tita’s and Uncle Joe’s review is okay, but the only obligation is to uphold your true self. I indeed feel the love inside me because I feel worthy, I feel pretty, and I feel enough. The question is…What about…Hagu? Written by Anna Marie Moniz (Baleto)
